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Hello and, welcome along this is Walk into Your Next Grade, a podcast for thoughtful Higher Education professionals who are exploring career progression. My name is Fiona and I'm your resident professional development coach, here to help you figure out the moves that matter most as you Get Ready for Your Next Grade.
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Now, in this episode, I wanted to answer a question I got from a friend. So I posted on LinkedIn a little while ago about, was a picture of me in my new t-shirt that I ordered for myself that says, "Look! I'm doing it!" And the reason I ordered the t-shirt is because I'm, well, at the time of recording, I'm nine weeks in to regularly exercising.
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So this has been a bit of a shift for me for 2026, and it is something I've been in and out of over the years. I've had times where I've been really good, you know, consistently exercising. I've had times where I haven't been consistently exercising.
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I got injured in 2024. I spent most of that year in quite a lot of pain with an ongoing back issue that's now resolved. Took until like the middle of 2025 to resolve that. So now back at it with the regular exercise and so I made myself this t-shirt that says, "Look! I'm doing it!" And the post on LinkedIn was talking about the exercise habit, but also the business habit.
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And, five years into this whole running your own business thing and still, have these chats with myself about consistency and making sure that I'm doing all the basic stuff well and not over complicating things, which is my habit, or like massively overworking to kind of get things done.
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And recently, in the last six months or so, started working with a lovely VA. Hello Andy, who's editing the podcast for me and just making some really intentional choices about how I'm running the business, what I'm using my energy for, and a lot of the things actually that I coach about because they always say you teach the thing you most need to learn.
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So anyway, the message from my friend was, "loved your post on LinkedIn this morning." And it was all about, how we need to encourage ourselves better because it's a significant part of self belief, actually. So the idea is that self belief is all about our ability to set a bigger vision and goal goals for ourselves, then take actions that will help us to actually achieve those goals and arrive at that vision.
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And that we need to be able to encourage ourselves when things don't go to plan or to keep going when we are, maybe not feeling the payoff as quickly as we might want. And my friend was like, oh, so you know, "I loved your post.
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Have you got any tips about how to do it?" How to do the encouragement bit to keep, keep motivated when things feel hard or when consistency is kind of boring? Frankly, I think most of us find that right, like showing up and doing the same boring set of workouts week after week or for those of us who are running our own businesses, showing up to social media and all of those kind of things, like the basic stuff that keeps momentum going in whatever area of life we're trying to progress in.
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For you, the listener, I imagine that's your career progression and doing things like, figuring out what roles you want to apply for next, making sure that you're working on your competency and making sure that you're developing the right skills that you need and doing things that you know you should be doing but that feel challenging and boring.
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Like saying no to more stuff and delegating really well and not getting into the detail and you know, the stuff. Right. We all know that's the stuff. And my advice back to my friend, we had a bit of a WhatsApp chat about it which, so the advice which I told her and I'm going to tell you as well is, it can be really helpful to consider what age, the part of you that resents doing the boring stuff or finds doing the boring stuff tricky is what sort of age does that voice in your head speak with or if you had to give it like a persona of its own, what sort of age would it be? For me, I realised I spent quite a lot of time over the last few years since I've got more into coaching and developmental psychology and self belief practices and all of that kind of stuff, I've spent quite a lot of time working on the part of me that feels very, very young.
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So the part of me that feels like a small child who needs really, really gentle, very compassionate, low intellectualising encouragement and support.
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It's the part of me that actually just really longs for a big cuddle and some reassuring noises and just like I've got an eight year old daughter, this is the kind of soothing that I give her when she's upset is like, just a big, big cuddle.
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She's still small enough that she can climb right into my lap. And we have a big, big cuddle. I'm not saying very much to her or, you know, to myself in those moments. There's not, there's not much content or words to it. It's just letting her know and letting that part of myself know that it's okay.
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That wherever you feel is totally normal and natural and letting that emotional roller coaster, move through the body and being seen and validated for that experience.
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But what I've realised, as I've been working more recently on the exercise habit and also on, making some changes in how I'm operating my business, is actually the part of me that resists that kind of stuff is older.
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And there are two parts of me, actually. So there's one part which speaks with a really teenage voice and it's the part of me that never really got to be a wild teenager. So, my dad died when I was 11 and I spent most of my teenage years kind of looking after my mum and, you know, things like she after, my dad always did the cooking at home. After my dad died, then my mum was like, here are some burnt offerings.
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If you think you can do better, go for it. So I stepped up to do most of the cooking and, all of that kind of stuff. And so my teenage years were not the typical rebellious teenage years that some people have, which in some ways is great because I have lots of really good life skills.
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And I think it probably a lot of that experience goes into why I am, how I am now and the type of work that I do and all of that good stuff. So there's, I think there's a lot of benefit from having had those experiences.
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And there's this, like, rebellious part of me that's like, trapped inside that is like, I don't want to. This is all crap. And it sucks and adults are rubbish and I don't want anything to do with it and blurgh, you know, it's a, it's a kind of tantrumy, emo teenager that's like, I just want to be in my room with my music on really loud.
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And so that's one part. The other part of me that's involved in this situation is the part of me that was, it's sort of an echo of me from when I was on maternity leave.
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And I didn't have a great maternity leave. I had a brilliant pregnancy, very lovely time. I had a very easy labour and birth, which is not the normal, from what I've heard. But then found maternity leave incredibly challenging.
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I felt like I really lost a lot of myself. The sleep deprivation was absolutely intense and I just lost so much of myself to the sleep deprivation. The fact that my daughter would not nap unless I was walking her in the pram.
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So I was clocking up like seven miles a day just walking places and I didn't rest much and was really in an overworking habit and would be like, oh, quick, she's, she's doing something quietly, let me tidy up instead of, oh, quick, she's having some, she's doing something quietly, let me sit down and just rest.
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There was not a lot of rest happening. And so now I come to making these changes in my business and in my fitness habits. And I've got these two voices that are echoes of earlier parts of my life where there's like, one part that's like, I just want to be in my room with my music on really loud and I want the whole world to just go away because it sucks and I don't want anything to do with it.
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And this other part of me that's really worried about getting back to that exhausted, overwhelmed place where all of the working and the doing and the caring and the looking after everybody else happens first at my own expense.
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And so now as I'm rewriting this kind of pattern I need to work really gently with those two parts, those two echoes in my history and in like the voices that come through in my mind.
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And so for the teenage part of me, I'm being a bit more rational because she's not a small child, actually, that part of me, like, they know they should be putting in the exercise, doing the boring workouts. They know they should be showing up on social media.
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They know they should be writing, sending emails to my lovely mailing list subscribers and all of those things that I sort of dragged my heels about. I'm like, oh, I don't wanna, I don't wanna. So for working with that part of me, I'm kind of going, okay, well, let's think about it.
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Like, what happens if you don't do those things? And so it's more of a discussion. Well, if, if I don't email my mailing list and if I don't turn up on social media, then I don't really have a business because I won't be making any sales, because I won't be top of anybody's mind, so when they feel ready for some support, they'll choose somebody else.
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And so that's not really creating the kind of sustainable, enjoyable business that I want. So then teenage part of me is like, yes, okay, then we'll do it, that's fine. And I'm also bringing awareness that now I'm not still actually that teenage person anymore.
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I'm a fully grown up adult, in my 40s and I'm actually very well resourced. I know what my ideal people in my audience that I really want to work with. I know what their challenges are, I know how to support them.
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I know what goes into the messages that resonate with them. I know how to do that messaging and stuff that I put off. And so it's really reassuring that sort of teenage part of me that actually me now the adult person has everything that they need.
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And that the teenage person can sort of just be in, in their room with the music on really loud and that's fine. They don't need to get involved in this because I've got it, I've got it. And so we're going to show up and do the boring workouts, we're going to write the emails and everything's going to be fine. the other thing I've been doing is finding small ways to indulge that part of myself as well.
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So I bought some new jeans recently and they're like a size too big probably and they're very long, which is very exciting for me because I'm actually very tall. I'm 5'11, and most of my height is in my legs. I'm a bit out of proportion.
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I've got sort of normal length of back and then really long legs. Most people I'm sure, would love that, but actually it makes buying trousers and jeans very tricky. But I found this pair of jeans and they're like wide leg and they're a size too big and they're really long.
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And there's that teenage part of me just delights in them because this is again one of those things that I didn't really get to indulge when I actually was a teenager because my mum would always be like, "you can't wear your jeans like that, you look ridiculous and they'll get muddy" and you know, all of that kind of stuff.
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And now as an adult I'm like, well that's fine, I'll just wash them or like, you know, I can take them up a little bit if they need to not scrape on the ground. But actually I'm kind of here for them scraping on the ground. Because that teenage part of me is really getting indulged in this experience of having genes that are too long.
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And so there's a bit of, yes, encouraging her, letting her know that me now, the adult person, can also do the things that need to be done and she doesn't need to get involved. And letting her have her emo moment of like wearing skater shoes and massive white jeans and the things that she didn't really get to do when I actually was a teenager because they weren't very practical or sensible and that's what we were aiming for.
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So yeah, advice to you have a think about what that teenage part of you. If you identify with the teenage part being part of your collection of inner voices that are dragging their heels on something, then see if there's anything you can indulge for her or him.
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Them. Yeah, and kind of let, let them have at it. Like if they want to wear the big mega massive baggy jeans, do it. I mean, you know, insensible ways. Like I'm not, I'm obviously not going to wear my massive jeans and trainers to client work face to face.
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That's not really cool. For the weekends? Yes. For days like this where I've just brought my microphone out for a walk and I'm recording a podcast. Absolutely, have at it. So that's one thing. The other part that needs addressing is the one who's worried about being exhausted.
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She needs to know that it's safe to rest first. And this has been like an eight year long journey of discovery I would say because my daughter's eight now and just realising that again I have way more control over that and I appreciate that's a massive privilege because I run my own business and I'm not expected to be at my desk 9 to 5.
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But part of being self employed and the trade offs that that brings in terms of revenue consistency is that it was an intentional choice that I want to have more flexibility in my day and be able to organise my schedule the way that I want it. So I've lost something in terms of job security or perceived job security, but increased things like flexibility over how I organise my day and week.
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And so that part of me, I can help her to understand that now I've got more choice. I don't have a tiny baby who needs my attention all the time and that it's not really a fair or appropriate comparison to compare a tiny human life with a five year old business.
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Those two things are not the same. And that she can just chill out, actually, because again, healthy adult me who's really well resourced now as a 40 something year old, actually dead on 40 year old for a few more months, can make those choices.
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And actually I know when I'm not very well resourced and I know when I need to have a nap and I know that there are some days where I've got client work and I might need to do a bit of pushing through, but that ultimately there's a bunch of stuff that is optional or things where I can choose when they happen and that I can just move those to a day where I'm less tired so that then I can bring a better quality of work to those tasks that need to get done.
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And so it's about helping that tired, exhausted part of me realise again she doesn't need to stress out about this. Actually, I've got it, I'm in control of it. I can make really healthy choices from this new adult perspective eight years further on in life, with a load more experience and a load more flexibility, different circumstances and all of that good stuff.
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So that's a really long, roundabout way of telling you to see if, and this would probably be easier for some of you than others, but see if you can identify what sort of age, the part of you that resists doing the things you know you need to be doing.
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What sort of age does that voice inside you echo back to? Or you know, does it, what part of your history and biography does it remind you of? And what does that part of you need to hear now from your current self that would let it let go of its fears, its worries, its tensions, its resistance, so that the current, healthier, more robust self can just get on and do those things.
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Alright, thanks for listening. This has been a bit of a random episode. I hope it's been helpful. Let me know if you have any questions you want me to answer. I'll put my email address in the show notes and you can email me if you have any questions that you want me to address. Alright, take good care.
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Thanks for listening and I'll chat to you next time. Bye.
